EWWWWWWW! GROSS!

I've been absent for quite some time.  I've had some funny moments to blog about.  I haven't been able to keep you updated, since my other job is being a mommy to a 6 year old boy.  Between my life as mommy, lesson planning, and grading papers I forget...and by the time I remember, all I want to do is lay my head on a pillow.  Since I am currently on Holiday Break, I figured I would find a few minutes to blog about what's been going on or what I remember.  So here we go...

I escorted my class to the water fountain and restroom.  While waiting on line for all the children to finish handling their business, one of the girls in my class comes out of the bathroom.  She proceeds to get a drink of water and I notice some sheer material hanging from her pants.  Technically, I was still asleep (seeing as though it was only 10:30 in the morning and I officially wake up around 12 noon) so it took me a while to figure out what was going on back there.  I honestly thought I was hallucinating or there was some type of mirage.  I realized I wasn't imagining things so I asked her what was hanging from her pants.  Well, I wasn't discreet enough and the other children heard my question.  The kids took one look and started screaming "EWWWWWWWWW!!!! GROSS!"

At this point, I still had no idea what I was looking at and was annoyed that the children were making such a scene and so much noise.  So I'm reprimanding and pleading with them to calm down.  In the middle of all this ruckus, the girl looks at the back of her pants and says, "Oh! It's toilet paper!"

It didn't take much for me to get queasy and have this look of horror creep across my face.  The child proceeds to dig into her pants and remove this toilet paper.  Unfortunately the look of disgust on my face was not a clue for her to go into the bathroom and take care of it, so I mustered up the strength to say, "NOOOOOO! Go into the restroom and take care of that."

The children were whispering, my knees were buckling from the bubble guts at this point (I have a very weak stomach), it was just AWFUL!  The child comes out of the bathroom and the thought of her not washing her hands crossed my mind.  So at this point, I felt even sicker.  The little boy who was in front of her on line was mortified and was somehow trying to become one with the wall.

I made her go back into the bathroom and wash her hands for good measure.  Let's just say for the rest of the day I was afraid to touch anything in the classroom.  I think I bathed in hand sanitizer about 3 or 4 times that day.

You're Hungry All the Time!

"A teacher?  Why do you want to be a teacher when you grow up?  You should be a lawyer or a doctor."

I used to hear something similar to that.  The only difference was at the time I wasn't trying to be a teacher.     Perhaps if I had listened to the voices around me and went into law or medicine, I wouldn't be here sharing my stories with you.  I would definitely be making more money, but would I have been happy?  Who knows?  I'm not here to tell you about my journey into teaching.  That would probably bore you and make you want to yank out your teeth (or tell me to take a flying leap).  However, before I begin my story, I just want to give some advice.  Never crush a child's hopes and dreams.  You never know where it will take them.  If anything, nurture it and help it grow into something phenomenal.  They'll thank you for it later.

The kiddies and I were sitting in a circle (Yes, I was sitting on the floor and getting down to their level. ) and we were brainstorming about all the things we would like to write about.  Our discussion went from vampire kittens (I didn't know they existed, but the kids were enamored with this subject...must be something new) to subjects that were very close to our hearts (like family, friends, etc.).  Well, there is one little angel who is quite obsessed with one subject.  Let's just say she reminds of the Swedish Chef (from The Muppets).

Me:  Boys and girls!  Sometimes it's hard coming up with a subject to write about.  Today we're going to create a bulletin board in our class to make it easier for us to find a subject to write about.  We'll call it our Brainstorming Bulletin Board.  What are some things you might enjoy writing about?  I'll start with one.  How about a trip to Six Flags?

Child #1:  Vampire kittens.  I like them!

Me:  Vampire kittens?  Is there such a thing?  Ok... (with a look of fear in my eyes)

Child #2:  How about alien babysitters!

Child #3:  What you want to be when you grow up!

Me:  Okay.  We have some good ideas here.

Child #4:  Fairies and princesses.

Swedish Chef:  How about bakers?

Me:  Okay.

Child #5:  Wrestlers?

Child #6:  Video games?

Swedish Chef:  Cookies (at this point I'm starting to look at her sideways and wondering if she's hungry)?

Child #7:  Cars.

At this point the Swedish Chef starts calling out.

Swedish Chef:  Magic pies! 

Child #8:  OH BOY! You must be hungry all the time! You're always talking or writing about food!

Me:  Well, we are brainstorming about things we enjoy or would like to write about.

Child #8:  But she is always talking about eating!

Swedish Chef:  Ms. Daley, I like to eat and I like to cook!  I want to be a baker when I grow up.

At this point I could have looked her up and down with the stank face and said, "We can tell!"  Or say, "You should be a lawyer or a doctor."  Of course, like any good teacher/parent I helped nurture that seed of hers, told her that I was positive that she would make a great baker some day and that she can do anything she sets her mind to.

I attempted to make you smile and giggle a little.  I hope I did. But I also wanted to make you think about the effect some of your words and actions have on young, impressionable minds.  So remember...never crush a child's hopes and dreams.  You never know where it will take them.  If anything, nurture it and help it grow into something phenomenal.  They'll thank you for it later.

Short A and I: A Lesson on Profanity

A new school year is here and I am already chock full of hilarious stories.  This class is definitely going to keep me on my toes.  They are very cute, full of personality and hilarious!  That's just the way I like them!

Where should I begin????  There is so much to share and we've just finished the second week of school!  Our story begins during a Language Arts Literacy lesson.  We were about to begin our scavenger hunt for words with a short a or short i sound.  Before we began, I figured I should assess prior knowledge.   I must admit I was very excited about my lesson.  I spent so much time planning and just knew that it would run perfectly.  However, I have been teaching for quite some time and know not to expect perfection from any lesson.  Anything can happen!  I could just summarize how the lesson went, but I figured you would appreciate it more if I gave you a script of how the lesson transpired.

Me:  Alright boys and girls! Can anyone give me some examples of words with short a or i?
Child #1:  How about apple?
Me:  Very good!  Apple has a short a sound. 
Child #2:  Astronaut?
Me:  Nice job!
Child #3:  Witch.
Child #4:  D**k (I'm too much of a lady to type out the entire word.)!
Me: stares blankly at the child while the others say, "OOOOOOOOOO!"
Child #5:  OOOOOO! You said a nasty word!
Me:  Okay!  That word does have the short i sound.  However can we find another word with the short i sound?  Ummmm...Cathy?  Can I see you in the hallway for a moment?

If I didn't know that the perfectly planned lesson never goes the way you expect it, I learned that day.  When I think that I've experienced everything in a classroom, I'm knocked down a peg or two and realize that there is so much more to learn.

Let's just say that I was at a loss for words.  I was completely blindsided.  To be quite honest with you, I wanted to laugh hysterically!  I must say I did a nice job maintaining my composure!

Can I Have An Appointment With Big Perm?

Hello all! I'm back! The school year is over and I'm glad I survived.  There were quite a few times I didn't think I would make it, but here we are...the end of June and I'm still here!  I also realized that the year was coming to a close and did not have a good tidbit to cap off this school year.  Well, let's just say Big Perm did not let me down and I couldn't let this story pass me by without sharing it with my loyal audience.  I hope you enjoy it. I did...I had to pull over on the side of the road to laugh about it.

Those of you who are familiar with my blog have read the "hair-riffic" stories of my beloved Big Perm.  Just to refresh your memory, he's gone from weaves, to relaxers, braids, and chinese bobs (just to name a few hairstyles).  I didn't think his "hair raising" issues could get any worse.  Well...tonight, I have a "hair-raising" tale to share with you all and it tops all the rest of my stories of Big Perm.  Just when I think I have heard it all, something new comes along and proves me wrong.

For most of this school year, Big Perm has maintained a normal haircut.  I figured his family had enough of humiliating him with these awful hairstyles and decided to give him a break.  Before I continue to the story, I figured I should give you a little more background on Big Perm.  It seems (and this is my theory) that Big Perm has some self-esteem issues.  He's short for his age.  Most of the kids in his 6th grade class are taller than him.  So, he may have a Napoleonic Complex.  He also does not like his hair texture.  I don't blame him for having these complexes, seeing as though his family feels the need to make him look like a mini Al Sharpton or make him Faizon's (Big Perm) stand-in for the Friday movies.  He's very obsessed with his hair and has taken to walking around the school with a hair brush and brushing his hair constantly (He wants wavy locks now.).  Now back to our story...

Well a few days ago, Big Perm decided to purchase a texturizer (It's basically a mild relaxer that loosens the natural curl pattern of the hair and produces easier manageability.). He waited until after dismissal and went into the boys' bathroom to apply this texturizer to his hair.  Yes...Big Perm was playing hair dresser in the boys' bathroom at school.  As he's ready to wash this chemical out of his hair, he realizes that his head cannot properly fit under the faucet (or in the sink) and he's having difficulty washing the texturizer out.  Big Perm's boys realize he's having trouble and they run to get the security guard for help.  The security guard gets the principal and now he/she is trying to help this kid wash out his texturizer.

I must say that I was and still am at a loss for words!  What in the world was this child thinking?!?!?!  And why was he doing it in the boys' bathroom at school?!?!?!  I guess it was a blessing that I left at dismissal and was not there to witness such craziness.  I know I would not have been able to contain myself, all professionalism would have gone out the window, and I would have literally laid out on the floor to laugh hysterically at this child.  I haven't stopped laughing since that day and everytime I see a box of texturizer, I relive the moment. This by far, is one of my most favorite Daley Laugh entries.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.







I Know My Parents Wanted to Kill Me

Hello all!  It's been a while since I posted.  Although I am on break, something inspired me to post today.  I received a copy of my college transcripts today.  I was looking through them and started reminiscing about those wonderful college days.  Then I remembered that I never really picked up a book to study!  I spent my first semester of college partying and being fresh.  I still managed to finish that first semester with all C's!  The rest of my college career was all B's!  How I managed to do that without studying is beyond me.  Then I thought...What if I had actually picked up a book and studied???  Can you imagine what I really could have done?  I am currently kicking myself in the butt for being so stupid and not realizing my full potential.  My transcript story leads us into today's post and it's all about ME!  Hope you enjoy!

When I was in the 6th grade, my grades started to fall and I began to slack off in school.  To this day, I am not very sure why this was happening.  It could be attributed to the fact that I switched to a prep school when I started 6th grade.  They had me take an entrance exam to get into a very prestigious prep school and I BOMBED their test.  Needless to say, the school did not want me.  My parents refused to accept that I couldn't perform and had someone from the school's child study team re-administer the test.  The results were that I was very capable of getting into that school.  However my parents were afraid they would put unnecessary pressure on me and opted to try another school. 

We tried another prep school and I got in.  However, I was not performing at the level my parents expected of me.  My parents were very concerned and couldn't understand why their honor roll student was now slacking off.  So like any concerned parent, they decided to have the child study team at my school evaluate me.  For my parents began to believe that something was seriously wrong with me.  The team evaluated me and found that nothing was wrong with me and that I was actually above average and that there is absolutely no reason why I could not perform academically. 

So basically...we can say that I did the work when I was in the mood.  I understand now why my parents wanted to skin me alive every time they went to conferences or saw a report card.  Now that I'm a teacher and a parent, I would want to beat me too!  I don't like to brag or toot my own horn, but I guess I'm kinda smart, heh?  Too bad it took me so long to figure it out.

On a side note...Today may be my last post on the Daley Laugh.  I'm going to continue writing them, I just won't be posting them online anymore (until I consult with an attorney).  With all these teachers getting sued and suspended for posting things online, I'm kinda shook.  My salary and benefits are very important to me and I need them.  Hopefully, if everything works out I will be back and in full effect.  If I can't post online, then look for my book when it comes out.  You'll all be invited to my book signing and I will definitely dedicate it to all of you who supported me.  Thanks for the words of encouragement and support! YOU'RE SUCH A STAR!

The @$&# You Cussin' Fo!

I've been meaning to post this for quite some time.  However, I've been really tired, then I had the cooties...but now I'm all better and in the mood to share another Daley Laugh with you.  Those of you who are faithful followers of my blog are quite familiar with Little Anthony and his daddy.  Well, if you enjoyed "It's Not That Serious", then you will definitely enjoy today's story.

Apparently Little Anthony is quite the potty mouth.  Of course, he thinks I was born last night and haven't quite figured out that he is the Andrew Dice Clay of my class.  I have to give it to him though, he waits until there is no adult present to curse the kids out.  Well, I pretty much figured this was a habit he picked up at home.  I assumed it was an older sibling since I know he has one in high school.  Well, I was wrong...;ight was shed on the mystery of Anthony's potty mouth.

I pick up my class in the morning to find Little Anthony's father cussin at him like a grown man!  I clutched my pearls and quickly ushered the children up the stairs.  I was floored at that moment but figured it couldn't get any worse.  Well...I was wrong.  I come to find out that prior to me picking up my class, Little Anthony got in trouble for cursing.  Well, his father decided that he would reprimand him and correct his behavior by sayin this...

"The f&%@ is wrong wit u!  What the f&%@ you cussin' fo?!?!?! You still actin' f#$%in crazy?!?!?!"  I'm sure you get my drift.  In order to correct the child's potty mouth, I guess it makes sense to curse him out for having a potty mouth! 

Everytime I think I have seen/heard it all, something else happens and reminds me that I'm barely scratching the surface.

Can I Punch People in the Face????

Hello all!  It's been a while since I last posted.  Today's post is about Mademoiselle Sherry.  She's the one who makes me put my hands in my pocket and count to ten very S-L-O-W-L-Y!  Well, Sherry brought some money to school so she could purchase a juice during lunch.  During lunch Mademoiselle Sherry must have dropped some of her money on the floor.  Another student found it on the floor and picked it up.  Sherry realized that her money was missing and that another child had picked it up.  Well, let's just say Mademoiselle Sherry went postal and started smacking innocent children with her change purse and punching people in the head.

Mademoiselle Sherry comes to me after lunch seeking approval and a big hug when all I wanted to do was give her a swift kick in the butt and send her flying down the hall.  Unfortunately, I need the money and my benefits so I figured it would be best if I put my hands in my pockets and counted to ten very
S-L-O-W-L-Y.  I think the look on my face also told Sherry to back up, just in case I lost my cool.

Sherry proceeds with justifying why she was beating people over the head with her change purse.  So with great sarcasm, I exclaimed "Well! That solves everything! I guess when I'm angry, I should run around and beat people over the head with my pocketbook!  As a matter of fact, I'm angry right now.  Maybe I should pick up my purse and run around the classroom smacking people in the head!"  I guess that made Sherry stop whining and looking for a big hug from me. 

Of course, I am pretty sure I could have handled the situation a little better.  In my head, I could see myself running through the building smacking people in the back of the head with my purse.  I think I reach that level of insanity and frustration on a daily basis.  Pray for me!

Mommy's Baby

February has been a hectic month for me and it just flew right past me.  It doesn't help that I have an entire week off and somehow that week off helped the month fly by even faster.  I have wanted to post this story for a couple of weeks now and I finally have the time to sit and share this story with you.  It helps that no one is home and I actually have a moment to think!

Today's story is about Little Jimmy and his mom.  I have never posted about him.  He's so quiet and NEVER gives me any grief.  On the other hand, his momma is psychotic!  I worry about Little Jimmy when he gets older because he is going to do one or all of 3 things. 

1.  Resent his mom.
2.  Become a momma's boy.
3.  Allow some woman to be his boss and make him sprung.

Little Jimmy is truly "Mommy's Baby"!  If his mother could come to school and wipe his toosh each time he goes to the bathroom, she DEFINITELY would (Did I mention that I teach 2nd grade?!?!)!  She drops him off at 8:30 a.m. each day.  Then she comes back at 11:15 to bring him his lunch EVERYDAY!  You would swear she is the vice principal of the school! She walks the halls, wants to sit in on lessons, and monitor what time the teachers get to work.  I respect any parent who wants to be proactive in their child's education.  You should be, but can you please let me do my job?!?!?!

Now that you have some background knowledge on Little Jimmy and his crazy momma, I shall continue the story.

A few weeks ago, Little Jimmy's mother came to deliver his lunch to him.  After lunch, I came into the cafeteria to pick up my class.  As I am gathering my students, I notice Little Jimmy sitting in a corner of the cafeteria with his mother.  I figured she was helping him clean up his mess and perhaps wiping his mouth or something (She's such a WACKO!).  Well, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Little Jimmy's mother take a bite of the food.  Then she picked up some more food from his bowl, blew on it, and proceeded to feed her 8 year old son!!!!!!!!!!  I thought I was hallucinating, so I continued to look at them and she did it again!  I was floored!  The child is 8! I have a 5 year old and I don't feed him!  I am just so disgusted and furious about it.  I was waiting to see if she would chew the food and then regurgitate it into his mouth!  I so angry just blogging about it right now!

As a teacher and a mother, I have one piece of advice to all you moms and future moms out there...Please don't baby your children to the point of handicapping them.  At some point or another they definitely will need to learn how to be independent.  I know you want to keep them as children for as long as you can, but you must think of the time when you might not be around.  This child has to be able to stand on his/her own two feet and make it without you coddling them.  I hope the Daley Laugh made you chuckle.  I also hope that it was also some food for thought.  Until next time!

Maybe No One Likes You!

Valentine's Day is upon us and Cupid's arrow has pierced the hearts of some of the little angels in my class.  It was quite amusing to see the effects of Cupid's arrown.  They were all in a tizzy and couldn't contain themselves.  I, on the other hand wanted to send them home to their mommies.  They were getting on my nerves.  The children took advantage of our school's fundraiser and decided to send "Candy Grams" to their loved ones.  Georgie (you remember him...his mom came to my classroom and laid the smackdown on him), who loves everyone, decided to send "Candy Grams" to some select friends.  A few others sent some to their parents and I even got one. 

At the end of the day, the "Candy Grams" were delivered and the children were just bubbling over with excitement when they received their love notes.  Amidst all this excitement, Mademoiselle Sherry is sobbing.  In between her sobbing, she tells everyone that she has no friends and that everyone hates her.  At this point, the little man in my class, Walter (all the children admire him because he's so smart) asks Mademoiselle Sherry why she feels this way.  Sherry proceeds to tell Walter that she thinks she has no friends because she didn't get a "Candy Gram".  Walter listens intently, pauses for a moment and says, "Well, maybe that's because no one likes you.  You're not very nice, you know."  I love when the children actually express what I'm thinking.  I should have given Walter an A+ for the right answer!
Now normally, I would feel bad and console the child.  However, in this situation, I had to mentally prepare myself to meet with Mademoiselle Sherry.  Sherry is a tough one to deal with.  Walter is right, she's not very nice and drama follows her everywhere.  Ultimately, she is a true pain in the gluteous maximus!  Eventually, I worked up the courage to pull her into my office (the hallway) and we talked about what was making her upset.  She cried about not having any friends and I (very diplomatically) told her that maybe she should take a moment to think about how she treats the other kids in class.  I really wanted to tell her to stop acting like a spoiled brat and then tease her with my "Candy Gram".  Is that mean?  Yes????  Oh well!  Sucks to be her!

Now I know I sound evil and you're probably wondering how I could possibly be so cold-hearted, but if you met Mademoiselle Sherry, you would understand. 

And You Brought Her To School Because...

Most of the time I share a funny story or some moment of inspiration from my day.  I wanted to post this a few days ago, however I had quite a bit on my mind and just didn't feel like typing.  It gets that way sometimes, but I'm over that and ready to share what made me say my version of the Serenity Prayer. 

I'm sure you are all familiar with "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change".  Well, I kind of changed that prayer to fit the way I feel when I want to smack someone.  I say, "God grant me the serenity to not punch anyone in the face."  I know...it sounds quite violent and God may not want me to punch anyone in the face.  However, that's how I was feeling and I had to ask Him to help me out.

Our story is about one of my little angels.  Let's call her Sherry.  Little Sherry is quite the busy body and can never seem to focus on what she needs to be doing.  Someone is always doing something to her and she is almost always where she is not supposed to be.  She is such the drama queen.  Well, when Mademoiselle Sherry is not school I must admit I am quite happy.  For the most part, the day seems quieter.  There is no whining, no tattling, and all the other things that make me want to jump out of my classroom window (on the 3rd floor).

When I came to school on Tuesday morning and started taking attendance.  I realized that Mademoiselle Sherry was not in school.  So I smiled and thought to myself..."I gotta feelin'! That today's gonna be a good day!" (Thanks Black Eyed Peas!)  The day went pretty well.  The children were working, not too much whining, and we were vibin (the children and I).  I took the children to Phys. Ed. at 12:30, picked them up at 1:15, and then proceeded to teach Math. 

Well, much to my surprise...Mademoiselle Sherry came to school.  Did I mention that she walked through my classroom door at about 1:15 p.m.?!?!?!?!  Did I also mention that we dismiss at 3:00 p.m.?!?!?!?!?!  I could have sworn it was a mistake and that we were back in Daylight Savings Time.  I looked at my cell phone and the clock on the wall several times.  I was still in disbelief.  So I asked her (maybe I didn't realize she was standing on line when I took the children to Phys. Ed. at 12:30), "Are you just getting here?"  She proudly responded yes.  I asked where she was and she told me that she had an eye doctor appointment. 

Now here is my question...Is something wrong with me for thinking that this child should have been kept at home!  We get out of school at 1:15!!!!!!!!!  What is this child going to get out of the school day at this point?  Of course, she came in and started wreaking havoc.  So to help keep my composure I had to say my version of the Serenity Prayer.  Because I really wanted to shake the mom.  She drops her off at 1:15 and has to turn right back around to pick her up by 3! I don't know, maybe something is wrong with me.  I'm being unreasonable?  Is that what it is?  Perhaps I am upset over this because the child also makes me want to fight her on a daily basis.  I need a therapy session and a bottle of Everclear to get over this one.

Thanks for listening guys!

I Got Da Blues

Sometimes I think that I wasn't supposed to teach in a traditional classroom.  I'm beginning to think I was supposed to be working in some art museum giving tours and researching periods such as The Renaissance and Baroque.  I mean, I can really get into some Georgia O'Keefe, Edvard Munch, Romare Bearden, and others.  I also have a thing for that smooth jazz, blues, and classical music.  I thank that Catholic, all-girl's, college-preparatory school my parents sent me to (Shout out to my fellow Lions...you know who you are!). 

Well, with this "artsy-fartsy" personality hidden deep inside me.  I take advantage of any opportunity to share that side of me with the kids.  Today, my class learned about Bessie Smith, an African American blues singer.  I read them a story about her, talked to them a little about what having the blues means, and they even were able to listen to some of the music.  During our Writing block, I told them that we would be writing a poem about "Da Blues".  They were excited and we talked about some of the things that make them feel blue (My favorite was,'When I get a whoopin...').

During my Writing block, I usually play some type of relaxing music to help get the creative juices flowing.  Today I thought it was appropriate to play a little blues.  Well, I must say I was impressed when I saw them bopping their little heads, snapping their fingers, and tapping their little feet...all while busy writing about what makes them feel blue.  One of the little girls must have caught a feeling and jumped out of her seat and started swaying her little tush.  Well, that's when I had to tell her to relax and have a seat.  She looked like she was about to start gyrating and I couldn't have that.

After a while, it got silent and the children were really busy putting their ideas on paper.  At that time, the lady on the CD was singing, "Don't cry, baby!" Well...Little Billy (that's what we're going to call him) was really feeling the music at this point.  He started snapping his fingers, bopping his little head, and then he started singing!  His eyes were even closed!  I mean like he was on stage performing and that lonely spotlight was shining on him.  I couldn't even ask him to stop.  I just sat there and watched him.  He was going for about 5 minutes before he realized the class and I had completely stopped what we were doing just to watch him.  Then he stopped, apologized and tried singing quietly.  That was the highlight of my day! 

I hope you enjoyed today's post. It may not have been very funny.  However, I figured I should share it with you.  Sometimes the kids surprise me.  I introduced them to something brand new and they seemed to enjoy it.  I just hope that I sparked a new interest. 

Beware! Kids will tell all your business!

It's funny how the classroom teacher knows all the business at home and the parents don't even realize how much we know.  I don't know if it was because of the inclement weather, but the children felt very compelled to tell me as much as they could while we killed time and waited for their parents to arrive.  Surprisingly, the teacher never has to ask any questions, children just tell it.

Our story begins with Little Anthony (You remember him from the post entitled "It's Not That Serious").  At about 10:00 am, the principal came over the PA and told us that we would have an early dismissal due to the inclement weather.  The principal then instructed us to begin calling parents to inform them about the change of schedule.  Well, I call Little Anthony over and ask him to give me his dad's number.  Unfortunately I couldn't reach the dad, so I asked for mom's number. 

After I finished speaking to his mom, Little Anthony says, "I don't think my dad's coming to get me."  All I had to say was, "Why not?" and Little Anthony begins to spill the beans.  He says, "My mom hates talking to my dad.  She won't call him so I will be stuck here with you."  It took everything in me not to laugh.  You should have seen the look on this little angel's face.  He was so serious.

I've had other instances in which the kids tell me about the new boyfriend/girlfriend or how mom sneaks out in the middle of the night to go out on a date (booty call).  So it's pretty obvious that I am privy to A LOT of information.  My favorite story is about a young man who was drawing a picture for the art teacher.  When the drawing was finished the art teacher and I were speechless.  This young man drew a picture of a naked woman and man.  The woman had a speech bubble over her head that read, "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I GOT THIS FROM YOU!"  The worst part was the drawing of the woman looked just like the child's mother (who might I add was a rather rotund woman). 

So I am sure you can just imagine how embarassed the art teacher, principal, guidance counselor and I were when we had to conference with the mom.  Then she had the audacity to say she had no idea where he was getting this from.  I wanted to say, "Maybe your bedroom, Temptress of the Night!" 

I'm done for the day, but I hope this post helped you chuckle a bit on this cold, snowy evening.  And remember...think about what you say and do in front of your children.  Most likely, the teacher already knows the business and then some.  Until next time =) 

I Was Willing To Lose My Job

I was going through my posts today and realized that I am starting to post more often about the parents of the children.  The best thing is I have also realized that the apple does not fall far from the tree.  When I want to know why the child is psychotic or not from this planet, I think about the parent and then I understand why.  Today's post is not about one of the kids, it's about one of the parents.  Lucky for me, this child is not in my class.  I don't think I would be able to deal with this parent. 
Before we dismissed our kids on Friday, the principal announced for the teachers to make sure we escort the students out to the curb because they were throwing snowballs.  Of course she didn't want any innocent bystanders (parents or little ones) to get hit with a snowball.  I came downstairs and ran into Little Anthony's dad (from "It's Not That Serious").  Little Anthony was lagging behind and his dad wanted to know what was taking him so long.  While waiting for his son, Little Anthony's dad was talking to another parent.  Upon looking at this parent I could tell he had some type of mental imbalance (we're going to call him Mr. Abbot).  Mr. Abbot was hanging all over Little Anthony's dad and cracking corny jokes.  Each time Mr. Abbot opened his mouth, more stupidity continued to flow from it. 

Then Mr. Abbot really lost his mind and said, "YUK! YUK (that was his stupid laugh)!  The principal don't want the kids throwing snowballs.  I should throw a snowball at her."  Then Mr. Abbot picked up his finger, pointed and laughed at me.  I looked around for a bit to see if there was someone else standing close by.  Then I realized he was pointing at me!  I looked at Mr. Abbot, smiled and said, "YUK! YUK! Do that and today I will forget that I work here and lose my job."  I guess Mr. Abbot noticed the look on my face and said, "Oh, I was just playing! I wouldn't do that!"  Then I responded by saying, "I'm not playing."

Normally, I am very diplomatic and professional.  I'm beginning to think that I have spent entirely too much time in the classroom and am tired.  I never would have responded this way.  However, that was the only way for Mr. Abbot to understand that I was not playing.

Snuffy and Sippy Cups

Happy New Year! It's been a few days since I last posted.  Today's post doesn't come from my classroom.  It comes from the classroom of two of my esteemed colleagues! You know who you are! Thanks guys!  I couldn't wait to get home so that I could share their stories with you all.  So...here it goes!

Before I begin Part 1 of today's post, I just want to jog your memory.  I am sure that many of you are familiar with Sesame Street and Big Bird's beloved pal, Snuffy.  Two of Snuffy's most distinguishing characteristics were his long, elephant-like trunk and those extremely long eyelashes.  As I tell Part 1 of this post, I just want you to picture Snuffy and those long eyelashes.

Today, a young boy in my partner teacher's class (we'll call him Tommy) celebrated his birthday.  After lunch, Tommy's mother brought in juice and cupcakes for him to share with his class.  When she delivers the cupcakes and juice to the class, she tells my partner teacher that she can't stay because she doesn't have her eyelashes on.  My partner teacher responds with, "But you look great without them.  It's okay, you can stay."

I can't stay because I don't have my eyelashes on?!?!?!  Really?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me!  All I could picture in my head was some lady running home to put those Snuffy eyelashes on, so that her face could look like it was about to take off.  The best part was my partner teacher's response. "But you look great without them.  It's okay, you can stay."  I LOVE IT!  I'm glad I wasn't there because I would have definitely burst into a fit of laughter and then I would have been in trouble for ridiculing or disrespecting a parent.  The crazy things usually happen in my classroom, I am just so envious that this one didn't happen in my classroom today.  I would have paid big money to be present when the eyelash comment was made.


Part 2 of today's post happened to another teacher in my building.  This esteemed colleague of mine teaches an after school enrichment program.  One of the little girls (we'll call her Chrissy) definitely made her afternoon.  As you read Part 2, keep in mind that Chrissy is in the 3rd grade.  Which would mean she's about 8 years old (maybe 9).  Unfortunately I was not there to hear this conversation, however I would have paid BIG bucks to be there for it.  This is another one that would have had me rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter.  Here it goes...

Chrissy proceeds to tell my co-worker that her father really embarassed her.  My co-worker asks what happened and the child tells my co-worker that her dad brought her snack/lunch to school and also packed her sippy cup in the bag.  Now I am sure that most of you are familiar with what a sippy cup is.  For those of you who are unsure, a sippy cup is what a baby/toddler uses when they are transitioning from a bottle to a regular cup!  Yes...one of those.  And yes...the child is in the 3RD GRADE!  Then she says that the kids in the class were laughing at her.  I wanted to laugh and point at her and I wasn't even there when she admitted to it.

During the after school program, she decides to eat her snack, but instead she hides behind her bookbag to drink from her suppy cup.  My question is...What in the world are you doing with a sippy cup in the 3rd grade?!?!?!  And why did your dad think it was ok for you to use it in school?!?!?!  If you think that's crazy, you haven't seen anything yet.  There is more to the story.  As the child continues to drink from her sippy cup, she stops and looks at the top on the cup.  Then she says, "This is not the top for my sippy cup.  It's my brother's."  That wouldn't be too bad if she had a baby brother.  No, this little girl IS the baby!  She has 3 older brothers (the oldest brother would be a freshman in high school, the middle is an 8th grader, and the 3rd brother is in the 5th grade!)!  Something is definitely wrong with this picture!  Why in the world does these children own and STILL USE a sippy cup!  I don't think I will ever be able to look that little girl with a straight face! 

I know you guys are thinking that these things can't all be happening in the school I work at.  Well...they do!  It's like some alternate universe or something.  However, these stories help keep my sanity.  Enjoy!  I know I do!