I am from the hood!

The children never cease to make me laugh.  Well, it must have been an awesome day, because I've been laughing since 8:20 am!  Now, as you continue to read tonight's post, you might say that I shouldn't laugh.  It's not what happened that was funny.  It's what was said that made me laugh hysterically.  So, here it goes...

I have a future chef in my class.  She wants to be a baker when she grows up and always writes about food.  This little chef is also a busy body.  She's like a little old woman who absolutely cannot stay out of anyone's business.  I guess you could call her "everybody's momma" and I am constantly telling her to mind her own business.  Yesterday I think she learned her lesson.

A new girl was added to my roster and all the boys are now starstruck!  Of course, Little Miss Busy Body had to stick her nose where it didn't belong and try to tell this new little diva what to do.  Our new little diva was quick to let her know that she would not stand for such nonsense.  Miss Diva responded with this, "I will punch in your face! I am from the hood and I will get my family to beat yo a**!"  When Little Miss Busy Body informed me of this incident, I maintained my composure and told her I would speak with Miss Diva.  Of course Miss Diva looked at me with her big, brown eyes, batted her eyelashes and told me she did no such thing.  I spoke with her about bullying and told her we don't do this at our school.

I also spoke with Little Miss Busy Body and told her that she had to learn to stop sticking her nose in everyone's business.  I hope Little Miss Busy Body learned her lesson, but I have a feeling the soap opera between my busy body and diva is just beginning.

You Don't Follow Directions!

Alrighty guys...I want to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Unfortunately, I don't know how to make one.  Do you think you can help me out?

That was the opening for writing a how-to.  The goal of this opening was to model how your instructions must be clear and detailed in a how-to.  I already knew I was going to act like Amelia Bedelia and take their instructions literally.  The children were really excited and couldn't wait to teach me how to do something.  Here we go...

I laid my ingredients on the table and waited for my instructions.

Students:  Get 2 slices of bread and put the peanut butter on it.

Me:  (I take 2 slices of bread, the jar of peanut butter and put the jar on top of the bread.)

Student #1:  Mrs. Daley! You don't put the jar on top of the bread!

Me:  Well, that's what you said!

Student #1:  No! You take the knife and put some peanut butter on it.

Me:  OH!

Student #2:  Yeah, then you put it on the bread.

Me:  Put what on the bread?

Student #2:  The peanut butter.  Spread the peanut butter on one slice of bread.  Spread it all over.

Student #3:  Then get the jelly and put it on the bread.

Me:  (I put the container of jelly on top of the bread)

Student #4:  Oh boy, Ms. Daaaaalllllleeeeeeyyyy! You don't listen or follow directions!

Me:  WHOA! I don't what?!?!?!

Picture that!  The children told ME that I don't listen or follow directions!  Look who's talking!  Welcome to my world!  I could put them in a million situations like this and they still wouldn't understand my pain!  I must say that I was very amused at their frustration with me.  You think they wanted to inflict pain on me?  Most likely...

Cake Recipes, Pages and Words

Imagine I needed a recipe for a story.  What would be the most important ingredients for my story?

That was the question I began today's lesson on story structure with.  I thought it was a simple question that all students would be able to answer.  I pretty much figured this discussion would take about 5-10 minutes.  I mean, this is something all the children know.  They've only been learning about story structure since kindergarten.  Well...let's just say the children NEVER cease to amaze me.  After some of the responses I was willing to play 'Red Rover, Red Rover' during rush hour traffic in the middle of the busiest highway!  A 5-10 minute anticipatory set turned into me wanting to pull my hair out from the roots and shove sharpened bamboo shoots underneath my fingernails.

After I presented the opening question, I asked the students to 'turn and talk' with their neighbors and discuss what were the most important ingredients for my story.  I asked if there were any questions.  I made sure no one was confused about what I was asking.  All the children said they were fine and did not need any further clarification.  I should have known better.

I gave the children some time to discuss and called them to the carpet so we could discuss it in a more intimate setting.  I even sat in the middle of the rug with a makeshift cauldron and pretended to be brewing a story.  The lesson so did NOT go my way.  Here we go...

Me:  Alright boys and girls!  I'm writing a story.  What are some of the most important ingredients in my recipe? (all this is said with such enthusiasm, which fizzled after the first two responses)

Let us begin with Annie (this child can't seem to take her mind off of baked goods) who says, "When you bake a cake, you are gonna need milk, eggs, and cake mix!"

Me:  Huh?  Bake a cake?  Annie, what are you talking about?  I asked about a recipe for a story.  I wanted you to tell me about the most important ingredients for a story.

At this point, Annie cocks her head to the side, opens her mouth, gives me the blank stare and says, "OH!"  I remember that stare quite well.  I used to give the same stare in Pre-Calculus during my senior year of high school.  I was EXTRA special in Math. But I digress...

Surprisingly, I held it together.  I figured...she likes baked goods, she heard the word recipe, maybe she lost sight of what I was asking.  Of course, the rest of the class laughed hysterically. After about 2 minutes of calming them down, we were ready to continue with our discussion.

I asked the question again and called on another student.  His response was, "Illustrations?"  I expected that response.  We discussed how some stories have illustrations.  However, not all stories have illustrations and I showed him a chapter book.  He understood and we moved on.  As we continued our discussion, some students were able to give me what I was looking for (characters, setting, plot, and/or beginning, middle, and end).

Then Kevin raised his hand.  I figured he was going to give me an example of a story he read.  Unfortunately, I was not prepared for what he was about to say.  Kevin proudly says, "When you're writing a story, you must have pages and words."  At first I thought he was trying to be funny.  Not exactly...he was serious.  I sat there dumbfounded for a few seconds and the children erupted into laughter.

Between the cake recipe response and Kevin's about pages and words, I just wanted to crawl under a rock.  I laugh about it now. I'm glad I can laugh about it after the fact.  This blog helps me laugh about it too.  If I didn't laugh about it, I would go crazy.

Pay Attention to Your Children

My blog is called the Daley Laugh: Tales of an Elementary School Teacher.  Most of my posts are meant to make you laugh.  They are also a way to get some stuff off my chest.  Today's post is on a more serious note.  However, I hope that everyone who reads this heeds my advice and really takes the time to think about the message I am trying to get across.

In all my years of teaching, I have come across so many children from different backgrounds, cultures, etc.  Each year I think I have met children from all walks of life and then it is quickly brought to my attention that I haven't seen it all.  Some of what I have been exposed to makes me laugh, sometimes I cry.  I must say that I thank God  on a daily basis for blessing me with my parents.  They took a vested interest in my education and gave me all of the attention I needed.  Education is important to me because of the values they have instilled in me.  They always made sure I knew that what was in my head could never be taken away from me.  I try to pass that on to my own son.  Although he is only six years old and doesn't completely understand the value of education and the interest I take in the most minute detail of his life, I pray he grows to understand and appreciate it.  And of course I pray that he passes it on to his own family when the time comes.

Today's post is inspired by one of the little girls in my class.  The children in my class are taking a 3-part benchmark assessment this week.  While they are testing, I do have a little time to think.  That's very rare in the hustle and bustle of my day.  I barely have time to eat lunch and use the bathroom (think 1 prep a day and a 30 minute lunch period...it is he** sometimes, but we make it work)!  My thoughts traveled to her and stayed on her for a good part of my day.

This little girl craves attention, like a pregnant woman craves food.  This little girl got up about 5 or 6 times during the assessment to tell me that she had completed the sections.  Then she made it a point to raise her hand and tell me that the boy next to her had passed gas (or farted, as she stated).  A child bumped into her today.  The child apologized (I even heard them apologize) and she still came to inform me that she was pushed.  After she completed her assessment, she took a book out to read.  She felt that it was very important to let me know that the book was about mice.  I didn't ask what the book was about.  I just asked that she take something out to read independently while she waited for the timer to go off.  Now I must remind you that this only happened today.  She does this on a daily basis!  Today I almost lost it!  However, I had to take a deep breath and think happy thoughts.  After she went back to her seat, I thought long and hard about her situation and realized that she only does this because she craves the attention at home.  She doesn't get any at home, so she has to do her best to get it from somewhere.  It's a sad situation and I have to continue to remind myself that she can't help it.  She's only 7.

When I think about this child's future, I'm a tad bit afraid for what may be in store for her if she doesn't get the attention she needs and the means she will go through to get it.  I just hope and pray that everything works out fine.

I hope that you all understand that the slightest gesture means so much to a child.  You may think something as small as acknowledging them when they say "Good Morning" is not a big deal.  Remember it means a lot to that child.  I hope that I reached a couple of you out there today and that my post had a positive effect on you.

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Your Mother's a Liar, and I Don't Have A Pencil - Part II

I have so much to get off my chest, that my posts came in two parts.  If you keep up with my blog, then you have probably already read the post about "Sammich Boy and His Mommy".  I'm just getting over the ordeal with him and his mother, so I was not ready for what I would encounter today.

Those of you who have young children, especially boys, may be familiar with a show called Avatar: The Last Airbender.  I'm not sure what the show is about.  I do know that it's a cartoon and I believe a movie came out (not the one with the tall blue people).  The main character on the show is a bald boy who has some type of mohawk going.  It's not your customary mohawk though.  This mohawk comes to a point at the front of his head and is shaped like an arrow.  Quite a few of the boys in my class are crazy about the show, especially one in particular.  He actually wants to be called Avatar: The Last Airbender.  My partner teacher and I walk down to pick up our kids and Avatar: The Last Airbender greeted us.  This little boy's parents shaved the sides of his head and gave him a mohawk that was shaped like an arrow!  

I know our children need to develop their own identities and personalities.  We also have to give them the opportunity to express themselves.  However I truly believe that no matter how much our children may ask for certain things, sometimes you just have to say, "HELL TO THE NO!"

I'll include a picture of Avatar so you may have a very good idea of what I was looking at today.

Here is the last of the things I need to get off my chest.  This morning, I decided to give my class the Reading benchmark assessment.  I gave the children instructions on the assessment and what to do if they were done before time was up.  After time was up, there were two children in my class who were not even close to being done.  I found that quite odd, because I gave them more than enough time to complete the assessment.  I proceeded to make the mistake of asking why it was taking so long.  The first child responds by saying, "I don't have a pencil."  Well, at this point my blood is starting to boil and I'm trying to figure out why this kid waited so long to tell me that he did not have a pencil.  I look through his test and realize that he has answered at least half of the questions.  So, I go out on a limb (I knew I would want to throw myself into rush hour traffic after hearing their explanation.) and ask why half of the test is already completed.  

The both of them look at me with that blank stare and say, "Well, we were sharing a pencil."  At this point I lose control and ask, "Why would you share a pencil?!?!?!?!  That wasn't smart!"  I had to go stand in a corner and "WWWWWOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAA!" before I gained the mental capacity to go an speak with these young gentlemen.  Eventually I got it together.  Although I am starting to get angry just blogging about the incident.

I hope that after reading my two entries, you now understand my pain and why I am tempted to run into rush hour traffic on any given day.  Hope you enjoyed my entries and see you soon!

Avatar: The Last Airbender and his famous haircut

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Your Mother's a Liar, and I Don't Have A Pencil

Instead of making lunches and getting clothes ready for the next day, I am sitting in front of my laptop blogging about some things I've been dying to get off my chest.  I don't even know where to begin.  Hmmmm...let's see.

Last week my partner teacher and I were called into the principal's office to conference with a parent.  When I walk into the office, the parent is already there and she does not look pleased.  It was still early in the morning and although I was physically awake, mentally I was still in my bed.  So of course, I was oblivious to the body language and shade that was being thrown my way.  We begin the meeting by discussing the child's progress in my class.  While all of this is taking place, I'm looking across the table at my partner teacher still trying to figure out why this impromptu meeting was so imperative.  

Finally, we get to the real issue at hand.  The principal informed me that the parent was there to address a concern.  Apparently, I called her a liar in front of her son.  I said it to my partner teacher in the hallway.  It happened on two occasions and the best part was I had absolutely no idea what this parent was talking about!  Well...perhaps the best part was when the parent "got her Shaneeqwa on" by crossing her legs and looking at me like she wanted to fight.  Inside I was laughing hysterically, on the outside my face continued to say, "WTF is going on here?!?!?!"

Since it was evident that my partner teacher and I had no idea what they were talking about, the principal called the child in.  He walks into the office and welcomes us with his personal air freshener (smelling like a #1 sandwich at the deli...EXTRA ONIONS!)!  I was so distracted by the odor and burning and watering of my eyes, that I could barely continue the conference!  The principal proceeds to ask this young man about what I said and he burst into tears.  Then he decides to hide behind his mom and refused to tell the story.  I don't know about anyone else, but it seems that someone is telling a story.  

The crazy part of the story is his mother "got her Shaneeqwa on" for about 5-10 minutes.  Before I knew it, she was thanking me for being so patient with her son and for all the hard work I do to ensure his success.  At this point, I'm looking at her and saying to myself, "Is she for real?!?!?! Or am I in some alternate universe?"  I'm still trying to figure out what that conference was about.